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Christmas #1000 Contest

Date 12/02/08

I posted #996 last night,

We should give some serious thought to want we need to do when #1000 arrives.


Fix it?
-- Dan Carman
Philadelphia, PA

We need a Christmas contest, set any Christmas Carol to a song bitching about the Ford cam issue.

Extra points for mentioning beer?


Okay, I had a moment of inspiration and spent a little time crafting
this little gem. It's sung to the tune of "Up On The Housetop":

Out in the Hapeville plant for Ford,
Gears swedged on camshafts, on my Lord!
They do some trials to test shear force.
Slippage of cam gears results, of course.

Ho, ho, ho! Who's gonna know?
Ho, ho, ho! Who's gonna know!
Gears on the camshafts, click, click, click.
Valves into pistons, engine's sick.

Customers find their engines dead,
Towed into Ford dealers with dread.
Techs pop the hoods and look perplexed,
A V8 in a Taurus, what'll be next?


Call into Ford, what's their excuse?
Word from the bigwigs: Driver abuse!
Problem is rare and certainly
Taken care of under warranty.


Ford doesn't care, so it would seem,
They might care for our legal team.
Many years later we may see fruit
Of a looong dull class-action suit.


Weld up the camshaft sprockets tight
And your engine will ignite
For many more miles than it does
If you leave it as it was.


We on the V8SHO sublist
Love our cars, though we are pissed
Larry and Buford, Ron and Don,
Eric and Scott, Mike Bouchillon

Garber and Dudek, Ron Fleshman,
Paul and Paul and Dan and Dan.
Seth is the first to lead the cheer:
"Technically on-topic, beer, Beer, BEER!"

Jon Heese

Some people have way too much time on their hands.

However, in this case, that was a message of pure inspiration and creativity.  Good form, sir!

Ironically, a commercial came on TV while I was reading it, with the tune from that song in the background.  Kinda creepy, really.

Once again, good form, even if you DID leave me out... :-)

-John Breen III

Bravo! you rock, man! - Brad

You know, I was going to try and find a way to mention you and me picking nits, but I didn't see an obvious rhyme and forgot to come back to it...  Sorry. :)

Jon Heese

Jon--you sure as hell did a lot better job off the top of your head than Ford did on those engines ;)


That's really very good, Jon.

Rex in Ft. Worth
 '99 SF 85k Mods Welded Texan Trash

Brilliant!  I say Brilliant.

Hmmm.  Sounds like it's time for a Guinness.  Brilliant!

Ron Fleshman

Dashing thru the snow
in a 3 cam open SHO
over the fields we go,
crying all the way, BEER BEER BEER

Gears and valves will clank
Making spirits drab
Oh what fun it is to R&R
a 32 valve block tonight, OH

Cam-fail-ure, cam-fail-ure
weld your cams all the way
Oh what fun it is tonight
to hear no ticking again , hey

Bill Tomlinson

Tune of "Christmas In Killarney"

The Willow Green, Pacific Green,
The prettiest moment you've ever seen
Is welds upon the camshafts
Before you go drive it home.

You've misbehaved if you're so brave
to think swedged cams won't spin the slave.
Well I'll be 'round to buy your SHO
For just a couple of bones.

Ford says it doesn't happen,
Our lawyers pay a call.
Detroit will watch the list for now
While profits take a fall.

A grand we'll see, most certainly.
We wonder how many more there would be
if we don't MIG our sprockets.
We'll likely never know.
Get welds upon the camshafts
Before you go drive it home.

Thanks to Alan Ridge


I saw three shits come flying in
come flying in, come flying in
I saw three shits come flying in
and they were begging for money.

Our sales are down,
were afraid we'll drown
so hear us please when we holler

Sincere indeed
that we are in need
we'll even work for a dollar

A Saturn, a Saab, a Pontiac
And Hummer too
Those are the names we'll wack.

Ford is in snooze
they have nothing to lose
and Dodge will be known
as just Chrysler

Gas was 4 bux
it killed all of our truck
I guess we should have thought hybrid

Our quality died
and for some things we lie
infuse us with cash or were dead.

I saw three shits come flying in
come flying in, come flying in
I saw three shits come flying in
and they were begging for money.

Dave Manke

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